And what to throw away. It is the decision I’m making every day about accumulated stuff in my cupboards, a mountain of information I’ve received in my training as a therapist, and last but not least, the codes of behaviour (aka morality) that went mostly unquestioned as a Christian. This is just me verbalizing how I’ve come to live differently over the last several years. I have
Taken Out:
Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner – It is naive to think that people can accept love while you stand in judgment over them. Besides, there is no such thing as sin. There are destructive acts and life-giving acts. Instead I want to Embrace Difference. I want to accept that a way of doing things I previously rejected can be okay, depending on its effects on other people.
Do Not Judge – Sounds like the opposite of the first point doesn’t it? To have to hold them simultaneously is one of the crazy-making teachings of Christianity. What it means in practice is to ignore what you actually think and pretend things are okay. Instead I want to Know Where I Stand. Everyone judges, but my standards for judging have to be fair and just.
Hierarchy – In Christianity, adults are above children, men are above women, and humans are above all of creation. I want my interactions with the world to reflect a level playing field. An INFP motto is “Value Every Living Thing.” I might add, “Equally.”
And Kept..
Graciousness – Not the graciousness that sees another person as unworthy and loves her anyway, but loves him because he deserves it. They deserve it because they’re human. That is what merits grace. Grace is not doled out from on high. That kind of grace is insulting. Grace means giving someone one more chance to make a first or second or third impression, and it’s doing it because sometimes I need that chance, and because it takes less time, energy and focus to be gracious than to be calculating. I found myself asking today, who do I need to be more gracious towards? Who has been gracious to me? These thoughts invite in,
Humility – I wouldn’t be a happy, healthy professional woman without the many people along the way that treated me with dignity even though I treated myself and them with disrespect. Ghandi said, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” I’d rather be the person who opens up new possibilities for how people see themselves.
Love – Christianity, for all its faults, promotes love the best way it knows how. Christians want to win the world through love. I just want to love the world through love. Fortunately, I had a mother who showed me what it means to truly love and not give up on someone. I have a good model for unrelenting love.
